Hey guys 🙂 ok so I have been very disorganised about keeping up with the blog I will admit! I have been very “cluttered” in life in general in actual fact! almost to the point that I can’t see the wood for the trees – or should that be I can’t see the colourways for the piles of yarn at every turn!…. whatever you know what I mean! lol
I have been letting “life” get on top of me of late, I think the recent health scare I went through ( maybe i’ll blog about that at a later date, but not yet) hit me harder than I was willing to admit… who knows… all I know is that life has all of a sudden became “hard”. By hard I mean, yes I have three beautiful babies that mean the world to me, but I don’t seem to be coping with them, the house, running the business, having time to spend with my better half, … the list goes on, and by not coping I mean I am normally able to just get on with it – whatever life throws at me I’ve been able to think “well time to pull up the big girl knickers and do this” but lately I’ve found myself having panic attacks, my excema has flared so badly its unbearable, I seem to be achieving the bare minimum in a day and still being exhausted at the end of it.
So last weekend was kind of a breaking point, nothing major happened to tip me over the edge, but I physically felt myself loosing it…. so it was time to sort this out! After a long chat with my better half, and I mean that in every sense of the word – he is my rock! he doesn’t stand for any of my nonsense, he tells me it straight, and that exactly what this girl needs – and he did just that! We chatted, discussed, debated … whatever you want to call it, but I aired my feelings and frustrations and we came up with a plan! Seeing as it is the school holidays here in bonny Scotia things will appear harder he said, “You have gone from having one small to contend with during school hours to three” that on top of everything else means you need to be clever with what needs to get done. He was of course right! but shuuuush we won’t be telling him that lol.
I make it sound like having three smalls to look after and run a business and a home is an impossible task – of course it isn’t! Am I blessed? My goodness YES! I adore my babies, my life, my man, my business… I love it all, but I have to acknowledge the fact that as much as I refuse to believe it, I’m not wonder women. Even wonder women had to have bad days right? So with that said I decided what I needed was a space in the house that was mine – a little nook to call my own, make pretty, and be creative in! And thats when it dawned on me… that there is the bones of it…. I was feeling “uncreative” and that’s not a feeling I enjoy.
Coming from a creative background means you don’t just switch that off, creative people see things that other folk just don’t, we have a need to be artistic and create things…. that was something me and hubby discussed in actual fact, I told him things that are important to me are not important to him – his answer to that was “well some of the things you worry about are just plain stupid” so in actual fact he proved my point right there! My concerns baffle him at times – things like “the washi tape on that packaging doesn’t go with that tissue paper” to him that is ludicrous, to me it was detrimental that it had to match before I would send it! Yes I really am that anal! I was getting overwhelmed with what I wanted to achieve and not having the resources, space or time to do them. Part of me feels guilty for feeling like that, that I should be thankful for what I do have! I mean I have a lot more than a lot of folk do, I have my health (kind of lol) my babies, a man who love me… and here I am loosing control because there is not enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to. Am I spoilt? Yes I would say I am – I have a lovely big studio to dye yarn in to my hearts content, unfortunately though that studio is a drive away, and having three smalls makes getting there tricky at times so I juggle work between there and at home, I just juggle the workload – mostly working late into the night as and when the smalls dictate they need momma during sociable hours. I’m certainly not moaning about that fact, I chose this life and i’m very happy with my lot…. I was just feeling “trapped”
Is there a point to this blog post I hear you ask… well yes! part of it is therapeutic for me… getting it out clears my mind, but also I wanted to let you in, let you in to a part of me I don’t often share – the vulnerable part of me ( she doesn’t come out often, but when she does its normally major) and also to show you how I fixed it, because I think you’ll like it.
So getting back to carving out a space for me, we live in the tiniest of 2 bed houses, yes count them 2 bedrooms! yep we have three children!! i’ll leave you to do the math… so space is at a premium, that being said my better half came to my rescue yet again! We popped over to trusty Ikea and bought me a little desk – nothing special, just a basic desk with drawers and a cupboard space, and bless him he stayed up late and built said desk for me and we tucked it in at the end of our bed in our room. I was ecstatic! I could already imagine the creations I was going to come up with sat right there! He put up a shelf for me to tidily store business bits for when I’m working at home so I didn’t have to go hunting every time I needed a roll of sellotape or a yarn wrap! Then he left me to make it pretty!
I had a ball hanging some of the recent watercolours I had done, yarn related of course! and designing some of my favourite inspirational quotes to put up to keep my mind focused and on track – one of those is “Believe you can & you’re half way there” so I just had to design a wee print to pop up! you can see it tucked just under my shelf… above the picture of one of my cheeky smalls.
And it has quite clearly done the trick – I am already feeling more in control, focused, and back on my path… so much so I decided to design some stationery because I couldn’t find a “pretty” magazine holder… so I doodled my own! Ikea to the rescue again, I bought a plain white magazine holder and I went to town with a fine liner lol…. I can’t tell you how much fun I had, I was absolutely in my element. I think a creative person is the child that survived, give me a plain white box and a pen and watch how happy I get just “doodling”
You can see the full doodle over on the facebook page as I did a wee video when I finished it.
So thats me, I’ve had my meltdown, threw my tantrum, and now I think i’m back on track. Will I have another wobble? probably? but who cares – wobbles make us human right.
Till next time,
Happy hooking guys, Love Lisa xx